


Diamonds in the Rough

by PatchworkIdeas



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: And they are all complete, Checked once for typos and grammar mistakes, Deleted Scenes, Each chapter will be a separate story, Gen, M/M, Now alos contains:, Raw Stories, but not much else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23529514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkIdeas/pseuds/PatchworkIdeas
Summary: These are mostly unedited stories.They are all complete, and I like them, but I like them as they are and have no motivation to rewrite and deep edit them like I do all my other stories.I like rereading them, and I think you might enjoy them, too, so I figured I would share what I have rather than let it grow dust on my PC.-These now also contain "deleted" scenes from already posted stories. I don't plan to do that often, but sometimes a chapter just doesn't work. This way it's still around for those who liked it.
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. Modern AU, Street Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gen, Fluff, First Realisations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of these will start out as notes and become more story like throughout. This is one of them.

Fili moves out for University - he wants to do choreography, has been taking dance lessons all his life.  
To get some training on the side he starts a street dancing group who's dances he organizes. He's become pretty good and has a name on the street.

Kili, still living at home and missing him like crazy, keeps asking to visit or to dance with him, but while Fili comes home once or twice, he never invites Kili to his own new home town and insists Kili is too young for street dancing yet. Part of why Fili choose a University so far away was after all because he kept noticing his brother in ways he shouldn't notice him and didn't want to risk himself being around him and destroying the good relationship they have. They still constantly talk and mail, because Fili does love him and knows anything else would just bring unnecessary hurt to both of them. With Fili so far away, it's not like anything can happen anymore.

Except he offhand mentions that his main dancer got an official role and won't have enough time for the street dance anymore, thus leaving him without a partner - mid season, which means everyone has a part and he's one short. Fili doesn't mean anything by it, he's just worried and he knows he can talk about (almost) anything with Kili.

Which means he's shocked when just a day later Kili suddenly stands on his door step, hastily packed bag in his hand and all but dying from jet lag. His little brother took the first flight out that he could.  
After something that almost causes a row ("have you lost your _mind_ Kili?! You have a life back there!" "I want to have a life with _you_ , have been telling you for ages! And don't give me that bullshit about being too young! I'm over 18 and finished with High School. That stupid job was just for experience anyway, I can make music just as much as here!") Kili wheedles Fili into at least giving him a chance at the part.  
Fili, exasperated and figuring Kili will be embarrassed and bow out when he sees what he would be dancing (with Fili!) shows him the training tapes.

Kili doesn't bow out.

And because Fili hasn't been cursed enough already, two days later Kili shows up at his studio and insists on dancing with him for the part - and fucking nails it.  
His crew is in love with the newcomer - and Fili manages to get Kili to shut up just in time, jumping in that they grew up in the same neighborhood and had kept in contact.  
Kili is obviously confused but goes along with it. The crew all but thinks that this is speak for "we used to fuck but it didn't work out" especially with how Fili keeps looking at the new guy before catching himself and looking away.

Fili meanwhile takes Kili home to explain that when they will be all but having sex on stage (it's a very close dance and it was meant to danced with someone else! Damn it!) letting people know they are brothers is a recipe for disaster!

Luckily, Kili hadn't thought to introduce himself with his full name and ends up going with their mother's maiden name, if asked about it at all. He doesn't quite understand the fuss but Fili seems really upset about it and Kili doesn't want to ruin him if there are some unspoken rules in the scene about not dancing with family.

So they practice, and Fili shows him the city, and they talk about the years apart and their respective dreams and eventually, deep in the night, how lonely they have both been without the other. Kili dares to ask why Fili really left, because as much as its amazing what he built here in La, he could have had that in NYC just as well. They could have stayed together.

Fili is still for a long while and Kili almost thinks he won't get an answer at all, when Fili suddenly stands up, says "I'm sorry. I had to" and disappears into his room. Kili wonders if he only imagined the tears in Fili's eyes when he hears the click of the lock on Fili's door. The first time his brother felt the need to do that. He decides to get to the bottom of it - without hurting Fili in the process. Somehow.  
But if it turned out someone hurt him and drove him away, Kili promises that heads would roll so that his brother wouldn't look so sad anymore when he thought Kili wasn't looking.

They dance, they practice, they get along swimmingly, like they had never been apart. Better even, then before. They move like one, and the crew gets into all kind of shenanigans trying to "set the mood" despite how much Fili keeps telling them off. Kili just laughs about it and goes along - it certainly fits with the role and Fili did insist that nobody know about their true relationship after all. Might as well play along and flirt and playfully make Fili squirm. It's only fair after all those years and then _hiding_ him from his friends.

Except, one day, when they practice some more in their own home and Kili reflexively adds some flirting after the dance because he loves how he can tease Fili with that...  
Fili snaps, pulls him by his lapels and kisses him instead.  
It's the best kiss Kili has ever had, deep, hot and his knees feel like giving out when Fili suddenly stumbles back wide-eyed, stutters out something that might have been supposed to be an apology and flees his apartment.

Leaving Kili confused and very unsteady in his kitchen, with a distinct feeling of deja vu.

Hadn't Fili looked at him so strangely before he left, too?  
Pieces fall together and the crews teasing that even a blind man could see how utterly in love Fili is with him comes back together and Kili mixes himself a strong drink before settling on the sofa.

He's a fucking blind man indeed.

Kili knows he won't find Fili if he leaves - his brother knows the city too well. But he has to come back sometimes. All his stuff is here, his life. He's not going to throw that away.  
Kili hopes he won't, at least. It would be a pain to have to track him down.  
Nonetheless, Kili knows that by the time his brother will find his balls again and come back Kili will be sober again. Probably.  
He leaves it at the one drink regardless, just in case.

Fili comes back in the middle of the night, obviously trying to evade Kili - which doesn't work, considering he stayed on the sofa just for this reason.  
Kili didn't get a lot of sleep, but at least he can think somewhat clearly - not going for another drink had been the right choice.

Fili looks like shit though, standing in the doorway, eyes puffy, obviously debating whether to run a again and knowing he had nowhere to run to anymore.  
The secrets out and any chance he had of pretending it was just a joke, just him playing along, went out the window when he panicked and bolted.

Kili looks at him for a moment, before scooting on the sofa, and patting the free space in an obvious invitation. Fili moves mechanically, keeps swallowing, the words thick and heavy in his throat, and falls into the sofa, head in his hands, trying not to cry again.  
He doesn't succeed and Kili's arms wind around him, pulling Fili close and murmuring senseless words of reassurance in counter point to Fili's sobs and apologies and cries for forgiveness.  
There is nothing to forgive, and Kili will repeat that until Fili is finally able to accept it.

That day isn't that night, but they fall asleep intertwined and wake up with cricks in their necks and back. Kili wakes when Fili tries to pull back, reflexively pulling Fili back and holding him, in case his brother tries to run again.  
They stay like that for a while, no words, tense while drinking in each others presence, just in case it might be the last time.

Kili's stomach growling eventually breaks the standstill. Making both chuckle and it seems like some dam is broken. Fili relaxes and Kili let's him up, accepting the (careful not sure if it will be accepted) hand helping him up and they end up eating breakfast together, like everyday. Like their world hasn't been turned on its axis.  
Kili can see it, see the moment in which Fili thinks that maybe if he doesn't say anything, he can pretend it never happened. See when Fili slowly starts tucking in all those carefully hidden pieces as if they hadn't been all over the floor the night before.

It would have be easy. Nothing would have changed. They would have danced, they would have made their different careers, maybe found someone someday and gone their separate ways, best friends, brothers, but nothing more.  
It's not enough for him anymore, and he doubts it was ever enough for Fili.  
So Kili doesn't let him.

Between one bite of toast and the other, he casually exclaims:

"I don't usually kiss before the first date, so how does tonight sound?"

And Fili looks at him like a deer caught in headlights, wide eyed, but different than before. There is hope blooming there and Kili thinks he could get drunk on nothing but the way Fili looks at him: like he's a miracle, like nothing else on earth could compare. 

They make plans, Fili books a restaurant that's just fancy enough to be a high class date and just comfortable enough that Kili can get away with not having to wear a suit, as he hasn't brought one to be honest and hated wearing them anyway, and just relax and be himself instead. 

They still dance, because the show doesn't wait and they both made a commitment.  
There's something more to it than there was before, something they can't put into words but runs a fire down their spines anyway. 

They don't say those 3 words that day, or even the next week, carefully dancing around each other and slowly adding these new feelings into their old relationship until they have something just their own. 

When they do say them again, after a perfect show, after date after date, kiss after kiss, hands long since used to finding and holding the other, it's so much more than it used to be and it feels like truth, like the world at their finger tips, it feels like they are saying "yes" and "forever". 

The crew doesn't understand why they don't officially marry, but most still show up every year to their anniversary party, which feels pretty darn close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A while ago I asked you, my dear readers, if you would be interested in some of my rougher pieces. As the concensus was an overwhelming YES, I figured I would jump over my shadow and post these too. 
> 
> More fully edited stories are still upcoming of course, my full attention is just on the Raffle Prizes right now - and the current stress makes editing a lot harder, so I'm not as fast as I would like.  
> But I'm still very much writing, and have a lot of new stories you can look forward to in the coming weeks.


	2. Measure of a Soul - Doll!Kili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gen, Bittersweet, Non Permanent Main Character Death, Illness, Grief, Happy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is more sad than what I usually write, which is why I didn’t end up turning it into a full story, despite loving the concept. But I promise it all turns out well in the end, as much as it might break your heart in the beginning.  
> It starts a bit rough, with the initial idea to help it make sense, but gets smooth and story like after.
> 
> I really like this one and am quite proud of it.

Kili is dancing with Fili. Whirling, gracefully, enjoying the lights, the company, thinking of the beautiful presents this year etc. Starts fluffy and gracefully, but the words become slowly more chopped, Kili becoming slower, stumbling to the music, starting to feel cold. He whispers Fili's name, scared, both in plea and warning, and Fili kisses his forehead, holds him close in his last moments and promises, "Soon, Kili, I'll be back soon, (my dear)"  
It ends with Kili's last thoughts, haltingly waiting for Fili to come back, to rewind him (either glad that Fili holds him in his last moments so he doesn't have to be alone, or watching Fili slowly step away, mournfully, the other not aware that his beloved creation/toys mind stayed awake just a bit longer than his body.  
Kili is a wind up doll, lifelike, (existing/coming) to love Fili, but nothing but cold gears under lifelike skin, until Fili comes back to be with him again. (or maybe make it unclear whether Kili actually is this or just feels like it when his brother is away? Broken, stuttering, frozen in time on his own? Mhh. I think I do like the original toy idea though.

Actually, they spent their whole day together, enjoying their time, discussing things, Kili always with him. But it sounds like Kili is getting sick. Slower. Less graceful.  
Scared.  
And Fili just always says: "Soon Kili, I promise, (we'll do it) soon"  
Until one day Kili stumbles and can't stand by himself anymore. Fili holds him, carries him along to the tune, whispered assurances. In the end, against Kili's not understanding betrayal "Feee-li. I lo-ve you-uu. (But Why-iiii)?" Fili answers, with a stutter of his own and fear in his voice.  
"The key was stolen Kili. But I'm going to get it back. I'm going to get _you_ back, I promise. We will be together again. Just wait for me, wait for me. I love you. _I love you._ " Whispered assurances while Kili gets cold and stiff and still, just his eyes holding that last spark, that last light after even his lips won't complete his vows of love anymore. Until even that fades.  
And in his last thoughts Kili sees Fili fall apart in his arms, promise after promise falling from his lips, endless like the tears he sheds, while he clutches onto arms that have lost the ability to grasp back, as much as they want to. 

-

After months of searching, Fili finds and prosecutes the thieves. 

Kili had been laid to rest in his bed, carefully placed and taken care of in his absence. 

He would look like he's sleeping, if it weren't for the stillness of his chest.  
Fili swallows, steels himself and slowly turns his love around, to gain access to the little keyhole hidden in the center of his spine.  
The key was dainty, and the mechanism felt rusty and old, not at all like the smooth turns they used to add every evening. 

6 and a half turns. As always. 

He fears it will break, with the strength he has to apply for the last turns.  
He listens to the quiet surring starting deep in his chest, almost reluctantly. The odd sound was usually hidden under Kili's breath. It was startling to hear it so clearly now.  
The seconds felt agonizing, listening to the machinery hidden under perfectly persevered skin clicking and creaking and unwilling to start. 

What if he wouldn't breathe at all? 

Fili remembers, when they were younger and their mother had decided that Fili was old enough to take on the task of winding his little brother up. He hadn't understood the importance back then, not really, not until one evening he forgot, and Kili woke up wheezing and stuttering. Dis had screamed at him then. Desperately turning the key, trying to prevent Kili slipping away.  
He had been sick for weeks afterwards and Fili never forgot again. 

But there-

A stuttering breath. 

A twitching finger. 

Fili carefully turned his brother back around, ready to assure him he was home, was safe, and that Fili would take care of him.  
He looked into Kili's eyes.  
But instead of finding love and relief, all he found was emptiness and mild confusion. 

"Who-oo ar-re yo-ou?" 

The words were mechanical, lifeless and yet a staggering blow, right to Fili's heart.  
Kili was lost. Had been lost for months. Kili had died in his arms while Fili made empty promises.  
Fili wept. 

-

It wasn't Kili, wasn't his love, but it could be someone. 

Fili thought of the usual uses of windup dolls. How they had always been complimented about Kili's lifelike mannerisms and incredible personality when most dolls were little more than servants. Objects meant to be used. 

Kili was gone.  
Only a body that looked like his remained. A lifeless servant.  
A broken one, even.  
The usual 6 and a half turns barely got him through the day - he was stuttering and stumbling and couldn't walk quite right from the moment he got up. More than once Fili had to wind him up early, fearing he would lose him again if he didn't. He knew using the key too much was dangerous, could cause lasting damage, but he couldn't take watching the body of the most important person in his life stumble around in constant agony, yet unable to understand the feeling.  
More than once, Fili considered if it wouldn't be kinder to let him wind down again, fall into an endless sleep.  
But then he asked a question, or turned his head just so, or made a gesture that Kili had outgrown over time.  
It was a child, Fili decided. A child in a grown up body.  
It was the only thing he had left of Kili.  
He owed it to his love to take care of him. 

-

It was hard to find the old clock master. There weren't many around anymore, and the usual maintenance workers were too quick to replace a doll with a new one. What difference was there, they asked. It could be made to look just the same.  
Fili saw a difference, and kept looking. 

Eventually he found him, the journey made harder by trying to keep his broken son alive and in the saddle.  
The master took a long look at Kee, Fili anxiously looking over his shoulder the whole time.  
The old man said nothing of consequence during his examination, just thoughtful hums and mutters. Eventually he bade Kee to rest, and asked Fili into his study. Fili went reluctantly, unwilling to leave his son alone in a strange house, but not seeing much choice. 

What followed was the most throughout interrogation Fili had ever been subjected to. 

Questions about how they met (early) how they grew up (together), about the nature of their relationship (...physical, but only after they were both adults and Kili had wanted it just as much as he did), and how it come to this stage at all if he loved him so (thieves. Those blasted thieves trying to hurt him) question after question ranging from dietary needs to displayed emotion to favorite activities.  
And then:

"Of course I'm not going to sleep with him! He's a _child_! And he's not _my_ Kili! I _lost_ the _love of my life_ and the boy stuck in his body is all I have left. I know he's not going to be the same. I know I can't undo the past, but I want him to have a _chance_ at a happy life, of growing up and finding love and finding happiness out there, someone who understands just how special he is. And how can he have that as long as he's broken and in pain and when all the world sees is a _broken_ toy?! "  
Fili voice broke, unable to talk through the tears streaming down his face.  
When he finally found his voice again, it was little more than a whisper, as broken as the body behind the door

"I'm going to raise him. I'm going to treat him right and give him the chance of a life that he deserves. It will be his choice what to do with it but I am going to give him that choice. He's going to be his own person and I'm going to watch over him, and I'm going to help him, so are you going to _help me_ take care of him or _not?_ "

The old master looked at him for a long time, judging his determination or just thinking, Fili couldn't say. But eventually he smiled, a quick, dirty thing, before telling him to stay while he did what he could and to _not_ disturb him during his work.  
Fili listened to the sounds, thought of Kili's smile and his warmth and how he had always been kind and friendly to any children that came their way.  
He hoped Kili would forgive him for failing him, but thought that giving this new person a chance, after he had lost his, would at least have gained him Kili's approval, if not one of his beautiful all-compassing smiles. 

"Seven turns, every twenty four hours on the dot. He should be able to last the day without pain now, but do not lax in this duty if you want him to live. I will not (be able to) fix him again." 

There were several strict instructions like these, all hastily written up and questions asked to ensure he knew everything he needed to afford Kee a happy and long life. 

The boy was calmer now, and the oddly forlorn look on the familiar face sent a pang to Fili's heart. He had known parents who could not look at their children after losing their partner, the likelihood too great. 

He would not be one of them. 

He had brought this child into the world when he turned the key. He would carry it through. 

-

Several scenes of Kee growing up, asking questions, wanting to know why Fili is always so sad, why the world treats him differently. Fili answers as good as he can, always sure to let him know that he is loved, just the way he is. 

-

Kee grew faster than anticipated, and it was a bittersweet feeling. Fil knew that children didn't stay with their parents. That there would come a day when they left to find love and a home of their own. He loathed the thought of someone else holding and caring for Kee. What if they forgot? What if they didn't realize what miracle they were holding in their arms?  
But the dreaded farewell never came, and instead Kee started acting more like Kili everyday. In mannerisms, in word choice, in favorite color or food.  
One day, he came to Fili in the evening, an old photo held in his hands. Of him and Kili. They were kissing.  
And Kee asked him, curious and wondering, if this was what Fili wanted. If this would make him happy.  
Fili swallowed, and pulled Kee close, arms around his shoulders and looking in his eyes, to be sure he had Kee's full attention.  
"I want _you_ to be happy. And I love you just the way you are and I will love you whoever you become. This is the past, and I love him, will always love him, but you are your own person, and my past is not your future." 

Kee looked pensive, studying the old picture, hopefully thinking over his words. But what he said next shocked Fili to the bone. 

"I think I remember this. We had traveled for weeks, because I wanted to visit all the far of places my books talked about. And you indulged me. That wasn't our first kiss, that was earlier on the journey, the first time out of mothers watching eyes. But we had our first time that night, didn't we? Under the stars? I think..."  
He sighed, forlorn, reaching for something he couldn't quite grasp, unaware of how still Fili had gotten, hardly daring to breathe.  
"It's all so blurry still. There are memories, clear like glass, but the pieces don't quite line up, like I'm missing something.  
Please Fili, I want to have this back, I want to be the person who made you smile like that, who shared all that joy and happiness with you. That is my choice.  
Will you help me?"

The matter was not as clear cut as that, Fili supposed, terrified that his boy was merely trying to make him happy, but the things he told, the things he remembered…

Fili wouldn't tell him anything new, terrified of forcing his friend and dependent in any direction. But he would listen to what he did remember, which was more and more each day, and fill out the gasps, the blurry details that he couldn't quite grasp but wanted to know so badly. 

When Kili(Kee! Kee! He's not the same, not yet, not unless he remembers and wants to. Don't push him, don't force him) asked to be close to Fili, like they used to be, Fili refused anything more than innocent cuddling. 

"Not yet, Kee, not yet. I know it's frustrating, and I'm sorry, but this is..." he had to swallow, his voice almost breaking, thought swirling of how much he longed for his loves touch and knowing he would never forgive himself for taking advantage - for Kee was not Kili, even if he was trying to be, trying to become, and he feared it was curiosity and wanting to make Fili happy that drove him to ask, rather than the love that had always accompanied every touch and gesture, made them one.  
He could see Kili in him, and he didn't know if he should hate himself for it, despite Kee's clear insistence that he _wanted_ to go down that path, but he couldn't.  
Not until he knew that Kili was truly back.  
Completely. And that his love was fully aware of what had happened, what he had let happen, and could decide for himself if Fili was still worthy of his love.  
Fili had never taken a choice away from either Kili or Kee, he wouldn't start now, even if Kee didn't understand. 

It caused a row, but in the end Kee accepted that Fili had choices, too, and that one was important to him. 

It was months later, after fragile balance turned into steady stability, with memories shared, jokes understood, old friends once looked at with confusion now greeted with joy and his typical excitement, sharing stories that even Fili had not known, that Kili raised the topic again. 

"I forgive you, you know."  
He started while carefully setting aside the pen with which he had signed the latest reports, even the court now celebrating his miraculous return. 

Kili looked at him, and Fili couldn't look away.

"I forgive you, even if I don't believe you did anything wrong. You kept your promise. And when I couldn't keep mine, when I wasn't waiting for you, didn't remember you, you still came for me, cared for me. Moved heaven and earth so that I would have every option, every choice, just like you used to.  
_You_ got me back. Through all the pain this must have brought you." Kili looked away for a second, swallowing, before steeling himself, drawing himself up and proud, like he used to when he made up his mind and nothing could sway him from it. 

" _This_ is my choice, Fili. I'm waiting now. And I will wait until the end of time if that's what it takes.  
When you are ready, I'll be here, by your side, the only place I want to be."

Kili got up then, carefully leaning over and giving him a chase kiss on the forehead, like their mother had done to them, like Fili had done for Kee.  
He heard the whisper, like a promise.

"I'll wait for you."

And when Kili pulled back, ready to give him space, to let Fili make his own choice on his own terms, something in Fili snapped, a last barrier broken, and his hand shot out to catch Kili’s arms and pull him back, making him lose his balance with a squeak Kili would never admit to, before landing in Fili's lap and being silenced by Fili's kiss. A kiss that was eagerly and readily returned. 

"I missed you." Fili breathed, warm and comfortable and finally whole again.  
Kili just smiled, and snuggled into his arms with no intention of ever leaving again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a way I wish I could turn all of these into full stories - like they deserve - but I also know the likelihood of that happening is quite slim by now.  
> So I'm glad I can share them this way at least.  
> And I hope you enjoy them, too, despite them being early drafts.


	3. Ghost - Deleted Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deleted Scene from [Ghost](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26949064/). Originally written for [cpmwjune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpmwjune/pseuds/cpmwjune) and set before Chapter 2.
> 
> This ended up more angsty and sad than I realized and didn't fit with what I wanted for that verse or how I see that Kili.  
>  Tags: Angst, Sad, Dysfunctional Family, some Hurt/Comfort  
>  Please note that Fili is both the narrator and a ghost that only Kili can see.  
>  (the actual verse is mostly happy fluff, believe it or not. I like playing with ideas and making them happy after all. Though occasionally I slip and angst comes out instead... ^.^')

“You really aught to clean more! All that clutter! No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend yet! You can’t expect someone to clean up after you all the time, we don’t live in those times anymore!”

Kili’s mom had dropped in for a surprise visit. Apparently she had some business in the city, people to visit, a show or two to catch, and had not considered it necessary to inform her son first.

Fili already hadn’t been fond of her before meeting her, the few tidbits Kili had reluctantly shared didn’t paint a pretty picture, nor did the fact that aside from the occasional letter, and those hideous figurines, they didn’t seem to have much contact at all.

He could very much understand why, honestly.

In the last two hours, said dislike had taken a turn dangerously close to hate. He wasn’t sure if it was when she berated Kili for walking funny after he stepped over a wayward kitten - most of them had hissed and zoomed out once she came in, which was a sign in itself, but Reya apparently figured Kili needed some cuddling to feel better - or when she just talked over him when he tried to let her know, for the third time, that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. Or children. Or any relationship really, he was concentrating on his work - at which point she proceeded to berate him for working freelance, instead of finding himself a good, safe job in a big company.

Fili was pretty sure she had zero idea what Kili was actually doing, aside from the fact it didn’t come with a fancy title and didn’t bring in the numbers his fathers government job apparently did.

He was absolutely certain he hated her when she essentially commandeered Kili’s bedroom for the two days she would be staying, forcing him to sleep on the couch. 

Fili had been all ready to do some haunting on his own, but Kili stopped him every time, a subtle hand on his arm, a slight shake of the head, his eyes almost begging Fili to keep back, to just let it happen.

Kili didn’t say a single word to him for two days, even when she wasn’t there.

It was only hours after she had left, when Kili was certain she hadn’t missed her train, most likely, that he finally broke his self imposed oath of silence.

“She thought I was possessed as a kid.” he started duly, “I only just managed to convince her I was just playing before she sent me off to be seen to. Can’t have a crazy kid in high society, you know?  
… I try to keep my distance, but she can still make my life a living hell if she wants to. Connections and all. So it’s best to just… play along. Though like hell am I ever going to give one of those girls the time of day.” He kicked the table, where the little note with numbers of “nice girls your age” lay. 

“She’s a menace. I’m sorry you have to deal with her at all.”

“...She means well. She’s just trying to help. In her own way. I just don’t want it.” Kili sighed and turned around, topic obviously closed.

Fili looked at him for a long moment, a pain in his heart he tried to bury. If there was one thing he hated most about being dead, it was that he couldn’t introduce Kili to his family, to his mom, show him how it was supposed to be. He would have fit right in and be welcomed with open arms.

But that wasn’t an option, and he wasn’t keen on standing by while Kili was hurting. So perhaps he could change the topic and satisfy his own curiosity in one go.

“Why aren’t you interested anyway? I mean, sure, these girls-,” he held up the note, before throwing it in the bin, never to be seen again, “are probably not going to be any good for you, but I have never seen you bring anyone home at all. Or meet anyone. I know you are lonely, so why?”

Kili spun around, mouth open in an angry shout that never left his lips. Instead he just sank farther into himself, arms winding around his chest and looking away.

“It wouldn’t work. I can’t just… turn this off. Anyone I let close is just a danger to get me admitted to the loony bin. Or would you _like it_ if I couldn’t talk to you anymore because I had someone over? They wouldn’t get it. No one ever does.”

Fili could almost imagine it, Kili in college, thinking he found someone he could trust, only to have to backpedal, pretend he was joking. Pull into himself.

He deserved so much better.

“I understand. Might not mean much, coming from a ghost, but I do. And even if I might not have understood when I was alive, I wouldn’t have shunned you, or threatened you. I swear.”

He didn’t say “You’re safe with me.” - Kili seemed fragile right now, and it might be a step too far. But Fili promised it, silently, to himself and to the world. 

The smile on Kili’s face might have been little more than a twitch, just a tiny thing, but it was enough.


End file.
